Chaotic Mind
Ecstatic Thoughts? I can’t filter my thoughts. They’re a chaotic mess, fighting for attention, pulling me in opposite directions. Like and hate coexist, and I can’t make sense of it. Mixed feelings leave me stranded, unable to think clearly, unable to understand anything. Things change—people, circumstances, time. Yet here I am, stuck in this loop, unable to change. What’s wrong with me? Why does everything else evolve while I stay the same? Maybe it’s not change I fear; maybe it’s the effort it demands, the confrontation with parts of myself I’d rather ignore. I’ve tried. I’ve tried to force myself to think straight, to be better. But trying feels like a joke when your mind is its own worst enemy. It’s exhausting to question yourself constantly, to second-guess every decision, to wonder if you’re the problem—and the truth is, maybe I am. Compassion? Sure, I’ve got a sliver of it—just enough to keep me from completely hating myself. But freedom? Kindness? Those feel distant. When ...